Sunday. 4.4.04 11:32 pm
And I don't say that to complain about my life. Aside from my awful gambling luck ($110 lost so far in my life), I've been blessed in every single way, with near-perfect good fortune.
Some people I know
have it pretty bad.....I can't imagine what kind of hardships the billions of people I don't know go through. I mean, it's one thing to say, "Wow, it must be so hard to be live day after day on the edge of bankruptcy." To understand exactly what that means is another.
A girl I know at Cornell here.....she had the worst week ever last month. In one week, her father passed away and she herself was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.
It really puts the "Give us this day our daily bread" prayer into a new perspective; living itself is just a struggle for a lot of people.....
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Sometimes life can get you down,
Tuesday. 3.16.04 4:53 pm
Wit your face all in the di~rrt
Well, if you feel that left behind, you need to get up and go to chu~rch...
So I've been going to church every week lately, and even to a few bible studies, getting kinda into this whole God and Christ thing. I like church a lot.....I sing even though I can't sing, but praise time is good and uplifting anyway. I'm not so enthusiastic about bible study, though. I have no problem with the studying of the bible itself; it's just all these people have so much more faith than I do that I don't feel comfortable. The long prayer time really kills me; I just sit there for what seems like forever, with nothing to say, while all these people are screaming, crying, etc. I'm not sure if I've ever subjected myself to such discomfort.
I had been self-critiquing my own character even before I went to church, but it also makes me uncomfortable because it makes me feel even worse about those flaws of mine. For example, my parents had been talking about giving me their blue BMW 330xi as a graduation present. Let me tell you, that is a beautiful, FUN to drive car. It would be SO awesome to have that car for myself. My qualms about accepting that gift aren't about the fact that I didn't earn it through hard work or anything like that. It's about getting around in something that is obviously extravagantly luxurious for a twenty-something year old kid, and not putting that money to better use. There's also a worry about worshiping the false idols of money (and hockey, i LOVE hockey too much).
One the one hand, I feel really strongly about wanting to be a better person; on the other hand, I REALLY want that car. I want all those fun luxuries of life; I want to have the money to buy the Devils and have a proper hockey rink of my own on my gigantic estate. These are such tangible goals; how will I ever reach my goal of perfection? I can't come close to God's perfection; is it a waste of my time to be something that would only be marginally better (on a Godly scale) than what I am now? I feel like I've heard all the answers to these questions: happiness in this world can't compare the the joy of heaven, those who are born with more are expected to give more, even heaven has "levels" and that you ought to strive for as high a level as possible, etc. etc.
Ugh. I feel helpless and hopeless.
Some American missionaries were gunned down in Iraq today; how do these people put their lives on hold and go to a hostile place like that? What possesses them to do such a thing? How do they find it in their hearts to make that sacrifice? It just boggles the mind; I have so much left to learn about Christianity and faith.............
And by the way, if even the smilies have their companions
, where the hell is mine???
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Tuesday. 3.16.04 4:43 pm
Ah, only three more days til spring break, I can't wait!
This year, I'm gonna go home for a few days, then fly down to Puerto Rico with my roommates. Going somewhere warm for a change, getting away from this awful Ithaca weather (I went to Killington and a road trip highlighted by skiing at Tremblant the past two years).
PR's gonna be awesome; drinking age is 18!!!
I think next year's spring break ought to be a trip to Vegas; we'll all be 21 by then (actually, I'm the only one not 21 yet.....
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Tuesday. 3.16.04 4:34 pm
School's been pretty easy for me this semester; only four classes, which seems like a piece of cake compared to last semester. I'm taking three physics classes + a korean language class. I'm rockin korean and quantum, doing OK in mechanics, and I have no idea yet if I'm doing well or not in my physics lab course.
I enjoy my korean class, it's lots of fun and I think I'm learning a good bit. My korean has also been helped lately by talking a lot to korean people through MSN messenger.
My Devils are breaking my heart; they don't look to be in such good shape heading into the playoffs. The defense has been porous of late compared to past years; outside of the dynamic Gomez-Elias duo and Scott Niedermayer, no one's really stepped up offensively either.
This weather is breaking my heart, too. It was warm a few weeks ago, getting my hopes up, and now we're getting snow dumped on us today.
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